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Caution: Personal complaining without purpose.


Over the years, I've gotten used to occasional bouts of stronger-than-usual depression, and have adapted myself to cope with them. A few days of having no interest in doing anything, extra sleeping, doing the mental equivalent of eating comfort food by watching some '80's cartoons or the like, and then I'm back to my usual not-quite-as-depressed self where I'll take a 7 km stroll at the drop of a hat.

This last week-or-so hasn't matched that pattern. Instead of simple "anhedonia", a lack of any positive mental effects from usually-enjoyable activities leading to a lack of motivation, I'm feeling physically exhausted. Not sleepy - okay, not /just/ sleepy - but even just taking a ten-minute walk to a coffee shop 0.7 km from home, and my legs and hips complain more than they used to for the walks ten times as long. The pattern also doesn't match my previous experience; instead of gradually sinking or gradually getting better, it's just kind of... there, now.

I may be technically a graymuzzle, but I really hope that this isn't my new normal. Taking long walks has been the central part of how I keep myself both as healthy and as sane as I can for many years, and if that's not going to be a realistic option, I'm going to have a whole new host of issues to deal with. Maybe I've just got some viral trouble that's no big deal and will clear up soon, but if I'm still feeling this way by, say, the end of the week, I'll head to either my doctor or the local walk-in clinic to ask them to check for hypothyroidism or any of the less common possible causes.

In the meantime, I can adapt some of the measures I worked out for when my asthma kicks into high gear, such as carrying a folding camping-chair in a small backpack whenever I go out, so I've got somewhere I can collapse into when there isn't a bus-stop bench handy.

Hm, positive, positive, what's going positively in my life... well, I got a couple of actual compliments for my blue-tinted tea-shade sunglasses, including from my artistic relative who'd previously seemed unimpressed with them now saying "they suit me", so I'll be adopting them on a permanent basis. I've finally installed Signal on my phone to use for secure messaging. I actually played through Undertale (a couple of times) recently. There'll be a lunar eclipse in a few days that should be fun to watch.

... I was going to say something else, but I forget what it was, and I'm feeling like I'm about to fall asleep again. Pity; I was hoping to head to a store today to grab a pair of earbuds with sound quality better than the muddy dollar-store ones I grabbed in hopes of cheaply replacing my previous now-dead pair.

Eh, it's a living. Or, at least, it's a life, which is better than the alternative.
  • Listening to: 80's arcade ambience MP3s
  • Reading: 80's scifi classics
  • Watching: 80's Cartoons
  • Playing: 80's MS-DOS games
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Submitted on
February 8, 2017
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